Why is she autistic?

My wife brought up an interesting question today which prompted me to be only distantly present during our lunch as my mind raced with the makings of this blog post.

She asked me:

With reformed theology's focus on God's holiness, where is His love?

To put this question into context, we (my wife and I) were saved using the sinner's prayer administered by the pastor of the SBC (Southern Baptist Convention) church we were attending at the time. As I have pursued my education (BS in Religion, and soon an MDiv) and sought to be consistent in my view of reality and understanding of Biblical doctrine, as spiritual head of my family I have lead us into Reformed Theology (note: we do not believe in infant baptism), which I understand as the only Biblical position one can hold and remain logically, epistemologically, and existentially consistent. Such a system entirely relies on who God is first and foremost. Only then can one glean a proper understanding of His work, in light of His character and attributes. On the basis of this, I will answer the question.

God is holy. No other characteristic of God so totally and entirely describes His being and essence. So consuming is this attribute of God that it defines every other aspect of His character. His will is a holy will; His wrath is holy wrath; His love is holy love; etc. Assuming that you already know what holiness is (otherness: i.e. the consuming uniqueness of God by virtue of His perfection and existential self-reliance), it follows that one would wonder what, or who that makes us (His creatures). In more places than is wise to list here the Bible clearly tells us that man is exceedingly wicked. We don't even have the capacity for good apart from the work of God, who alone is good and imparts such goodness unto His people as He sees fit.

So the reality of human existence is such that God is holy, and we are, by His sovereign decree, wicked and deserving of punishment. You say, "that makes God the creator of evil." Indeed. And here we come to the crux of my writing. What is the purpose of evil, if any? Why do we go through trials even while praying for mercy, only to continue to endure the same thing, as if we weren't praying at all? There are serious implications to how one answers these questions, and others of similar nature.

Did God create sin? YES! If you answer no, then you inadvertently imply that there is a force at least equal to God, the likes of which He can only hope to influence, but never actually succeeds. If you answer yes as I have , you are met with another question. Why would God create sin and then punish people for doing it? This is really two questions. The first is answered by realizing that God has a clear purpose for even sin and evil. Sin and evil and the punishment thereof, as created by God becomes purposeful as the means by which God displays His justice. The second is answered by understanding that God created sin and its punishment so that he would display himself to be just and the justifier (Rom 3:26). He created rules, defined the punishment, then created vessels of wrath for destruction, and vessels of mercy for glory (Rom 9:19-24). Truth be told, both (vessels of wrath and vessels of mercy) end up glorifying God. Vessels of wrath are destroyed, making God just; vessels of mercy are glorified, making God graceful.
The objections to this position illustrate an unwillingness to allow God to be autonomous and instead limiting Him to what we (those who know no good) consider good. This bears itself on my personal situation in a way that only now, with the full force of a reformed perspective, makes sense.

As most of you probably know ( and if not you do now) I have an autistic daughter, and one borderline son, and the probability of more to come as we continue to have children. My wife and I have wrestled with the big questions in this. Did we do something wrong? Why did God do this? Did God do this, or is it Satan, or neither? What if we pray, will things change? I could go on but I think you get the point. The same questions can be asked in the loss of a child or loved one, an unforeseen debilitating circumstance, and on, and on. Again, you get the idea.

The type of theology which starts with human free will has no meaningful ability to stand up to such inquiry. Not only will it require the undue misinterpretation of scripture, but what you end up with is a conclusion you can't live out, or one which doesn't comport with reality. Without tearing that position down, I will here tell you how the Bible guides us to deal with situations like this.

So my daughter is autistic, which is the result of original sin in the Genesis account. It definitely is not a perfect state and therefore is aptly classified as evil, as in not good; not that my daughter is doing anything bad, but the condition itself is a sign of evil in the world, or at least a less than favorable situation. My wife's question was "where is God's love in reformed theology" in the context of our daily hurt in dealing with autism.

If God is sovereign in the sense that there is absolutely nothing He is not in control of, and more so, there is nothing of which He did not foreordain, then this autism could be seen to be caused by God, in an ultimate sense. How does the believer deal with God seeming to be cruel and sadistic? If we believe the Bible when it says that God is Holy (Isaiah 6, amongst others), and we believe that God has planned this by virtue of His sovereignty, then there is only one question left to ask. Can I believe God is good even in this? The answer is, and must be yes. For God's love is found perfected so much the more through a reformed perspective in that, God, the one who alone is holy and sovereign, has declared the believer to be clean through the payment of another. The essence of the gospel is that Christ died on our behalf, therefore God remains just as the sins of those He has elected are paid for, and loving in the sense that He would have been perfectly just if He freely chose to destroy everyone by virtue of their sin. God did not have to save any, but He saved some to glorify himself. This is love as the Bible describes it.

Understanding the nature of the one who has saved us by understanding the nature of first ourselves, and second our salvation we may then understand our trials and the discomfort God produces in our lives.

Why is my daughter autistic? I don't know. But I trust that the sovereign God who spared me from destruction according to the riches of His grace (not the riches of my merit) has a holy purpose for such a situation. Romans 9 handles this situation beautifully. Do I judge God for creating Stephanie as she is? Certainly not. Instead, I realize that He is judge and has judged her state to be pleasing to Him somehow. I don't understand it, just as I wouldn't understand it if I lost a child, but I understand my sin enough that His love displayed in my salvation through faith in His son trumps the discomfort He may put me through. I, the pot, may not look to the potter and ask "why did you make me this way?" Likewise, I, a pot, may not look to the potter and ask "why did you make this other pot as you did?" For if I did beloved, I would surely be satisfied by His holiness, and terrified by the same, saying as Isaiah did "woe is me, for I am undone! I am a man of unclean lips, and I live amongst a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts." Or again, if I presume to confront God as Job said he would "as a Man" then I will surely be brought low when confronted by the one who laid the foundation of the earth, who commands the dawn, who knows the dwelling place of the light, and surely I shall answer "once have I spoken, I speak no more" lest God challenge me to "adorn yourself with eminence and dignity, and clothe yourself with honor and majesty." Let it not be so LORD.

Let it never be said LORD that you don't answer prayer, for prayer is not meant to let us receive anything (for what more could you give than our salvation) but instead to bring our disobedient hearts into submission under your will through the power of communion with the in dwelt holy spirit. Amen.