Black Eye

I have started going to MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) night at the gym here on post. It has really been a great release not to mention great cardio and strength training. We've been learning to punch, kick and block correctly on "stand-up" days. On "grappling" days we roll around on the mats and wrestle each other trying to choke, or submit the other guy. Choking is self-explanatory; when you "submit" someone you are basically moving a body part like an arm or leg in a manner it wasn't designed to move, thereby putting pressure on the joint or bone itself.

That being said, I was wrestling this guy and we were having a good match...very equally matched. He was trying to control my arms so that I couldn't get him into a postion to submit him. As we were fighting for the dominant position I guess he caught me with an elbow or something. I wound up wining by putting him in a bent arm bar (a submition). We stood up and he said "I am sorry man, I think I got you in the eye". I didn't think so because I never felt him hit me with anything...I got up and looked in the mirror and sure enough he did. Here are the pictures from that night and the following day. Good stuff.

I took a night off last night because my body was just hurting so bad. I feel better today so I will be there tonight.

Truth

So I came to a startling realization after reading through the first three chapters of "Everyman's Battle" and the associated work book.

I do not value holiness.

I dont personally place value in being irreproachable in my conduct and thoughts.

It is not that I think it is a waist of time. It is not that I think God's standard is optional. I just have not ventured into the battle to claim my desires and intensions in God's name. I still "like" my sin. I want to obey God because my mind knows it's good; I want to continue in sin because my heart wants to. I obey (sometimes) because it is right; I sin (more than obey) because I want to. This is why when I am faced with the choice to stand and fight or give in, I chose to give in. This is why, even though I know His word-His standard, I willingly sin.

I am the worst of men. I despise the same sin in other men but cling to my wikedness still. I hope that the knowlege of this plank in my eye, which truly is newly discovered, is the beginning of something closer to Christ. Something holy. Something righteous. The end of my dual mindedness.

I am sorry if these words affend or hurt any of you. I don't mean anything but to tell the truth of who I am...no matter how ugly it may be. Now you know the truth.

LORD, have mercy on me and cleans me today of this plight, that I may walk in your ways, for they are perfect, just, holy, and righteous. Help me to see myself for who I really am and yet know that you have washed me clean. Make my soul to yearn after you as the deer does the water. Let my spirit rejoice to know your holiness; let it overtake me and change me LORD. I am undone. Lord, here am I.

Balad Air Base Armed Forces Hospital

Today we were able to leave Camp Victory for the first time and get out to play for some folks on Balad Air Base. We rode a Black Hawk in the morning and a Chinook to get home early the next morning. I say early the next morning but it was really the same night. We set off around 0600 in the morning and didn't get back until 0330 the next day. No sleep...21 hour day folks. What an experience.

By far the best part was playing for the wounded Soldiers and local Iraqis. It was a bitter sweet time though. As we played our set of music the nurses witnessed patients smiling that had never before during thier stay at the Hospital; however we found out later that in the very next room, listening to us play, a US Soldier had died about midway through our performance. I wasn't and am still not sure how to take that. Am I happy he died listening to us? Not really. Do I hope he enjoyed it and that it brought a smile to his fading face? Absolutely. I pray that he knew Christ and that his sole now rests in the Lord's peace. The people at the hospital were very kind to us. They fed us twice and as a thank you, gave us hospital scrubs with thier squadron number and motto on them. This was very nice, and rather unique I must say, in an organization that is notorious for giving "challenge coins" as tokens of appreciation for a job well done.

Yet another memorable moment came when it was time to go back to our post. After waiting in the terminal from 1930 to 0145 for a flight that was supposed to leave at 2150 we finally got confirmation that we were ready to go. We walked out to the Chinooks and got our safety brief. We loaded up and the choppers taxied to the launch pad. In the darkness, backed by the blinking lights of the runway, we took flight. We in the lead chopper had the view of a lifetime as the loadmaster lowered the back door opening the cargohold to the view behind us. Since we were the lead chopper our view consisted of this: the loadmaster sitting on the lowered edge of the rear door hanging his feet over the edge with night vision goggles clamped to his helmet and engaged to watch for any potential threats. From my vantage point, directly over his left sholder you could see the blacked out silhouette of the trailing Chinook against a randomly lit Baghdad backdrop as we maneuvered our way back to our camp.

As I stared out that back door I felt a distinct connection to every Soldier serving before me. It was a calming feeling to know that so many had flow in the same chopper in much worse curcumstances. I felt as though they were riding with us. Though we had ear plugs in and the roar of the engine and the sound of the rotars slicing the air above us consumed every noise, there was a deafening silence. I found myself alone with my thoughts as I gazed out at the broken city below. The faces I panned across sitting next to and across from me all seemed to say the same thing...I AM AN AMERICAN SOLDIER.

Doin's

Wow...so long without a post! You all must have thought I had fallen off the earth or something. Well I haven't. It's just been quiet here. Only a few things to report in almost a month.
My 1SG (read first sergeant) put a good foot forward for me and got me to a SSG (read staff sergeant) promotion board. So I went before a panel of 5 1SG's and the SGM (read sergeant major) while they grilled me and two other sergeants on all things Army. What a worrisome event. So much pressure and tension. It is actually supposed to be that way though. They want to see how young sergeants will react under intense pressure, direct scrutiny, and stress. I was able to achieve a passing score of 147 out of 150. I am happy that it is over though...it was my last one, ever and I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. The night before I could hardly sleep as my mind coursed with the NCO Creed, Troop Leading Procedures, and so on, from a list of at least 15 subjects, all of which have such a breadth material to study it is difficult to even study it all let alone really know the material. I am so glad that is over.
We (the Dixie Land Band) have had a few gigs here and there at the chow halls mostly but they have been wicked fun. Hopefully playing in the chow halls will give us the exposure to have people invite us to where they work to play for them in a more personal setting. It is fun to play for people who really appreciate it. A lot of people could care less that it is Dixie Land music, which they would most likely never listen to at home. They care that where ever they go they have a chance to hear good live music. Yes there are some that, even though the Dixie Band is playing, will call out "play Freebird", but for the most part people are quite appreciative. We are working on a Dixie arrangement of Freebird by the way...gotta please the audience!
Sandy can confirm that I have had a general feeling of being called to ministry, as she has had a feeling of needing to support me in ministry. Lately, Chaplain Jones and I have developed a pretty good relationship. I have voiced my heart for ministry, specifically Men’s ministries, to him. His face lit up. He told me that the Army has a Chaplain Candidacy program that will help me finish a masters degree and then place me immediately as a 1LT Chaplain. I was hesitant to consider this because I have just barely finished a transition to the Army Band. My heart cries out to play my saxophone everyday. I love it so thoroughly and would be content to stay in my current situation for the rest of my career...promotions or no. The Chaplain quite gently put it into perspective for me though; "when God calls, there is only one answer" he said. I think God was placing those specific word at the exact right time because what popped into my head was from Isaiah 6:8 which says "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" If you know anything of my life since surrendering to Christ you know that these words resound so true in my family. We are a family shaped by God's calling. Every time I, as my family's leader, have responded in my heart with "Here am I Lord. Send me!" He has lead us nowhere but into glory. And now, who knows but Him.
I think it is shaping up to be an exciting, tiring, stressful, wonderful year for both me and my family.
Wendy - You are welcome. I consider it my pleasure, and my duty, to be there for him the same as others have been there for me. What else can I do but love you both.
All - thank you for the comments left here. I may not respond to them all but know that I read them all and they consistently bring a smile to my face whether you mean them to or not. Thank you for the continued prayer and the Godly love and provision you are showing my family in my absence.